Diana.nu

I don’t have much to say right now, but what I do have to say is big!

I was putting away some lentils I cooked today when I started craving some lentils. Convenient, huh?

I decided to eat the lentils with a tortilla. After I gobbled that up, I sat down, opened my Twitter client, and began a maybe… three-part, let’s say, tweet about how much I love buying name brand tortillas. My reasons being that 1.) They don’t stick to each other. 2.) They’re soft. 3.) They don’t rip when you fold them.

There I was, typing away about what I consider tortillas of quality when it occurred to me that yeah, 98% of your followers will not relate to this.

I never sent the tweet(s). It got me thinking. How often do I not send a tweet because I think no one will care? What does that make me? Some kind of personality instead of a person?

Usually, I try to change something that bothers me, but this curiously does not bother me. See, right now, I feel like I should apologize for blogging about something so ambivalent. As if I owe anyone an apology!

I normally use my blog for talking about me, and I visit other blogs for reading about others, but I am wondering something I should directly ask. Are there any things you tweet/blog (or don’t tweet/blog) because you feel it’s what people expect (or don’t expect) of you?

When you’re online, you tend to stick to things that don’t bother you. Like, I’m not going to go to stormfront.org and white supremacists aren’t gonna go to sites run by someone with a brain. It’s just the way it is.

You know how when someone is against someone else’s (supposed) idiocy, the first tend to simplify and generalize the second? For example, some conservatives twist around what liberals say to make it seem like liberals are simple-minded children who all think the same things. (As if every liberal has had the same life experience.)

Obviously, they’re messing up. I’ve noticed I do the same thing, though. (Racists don’t have a brain!) When I read feminist websites, they simplify and generalize anyone’s who’s not pro-choice. It’s difficult when you meet an actual anti-choicer, because s/he is not always a mindless bigot who wants to control women. Some of them sincerely believe life begins at conception. (Right now, another part of me wants to butt in and say they’re idiots that need to think about what they’re proposing.) They’ve had different life experiences that gave them different values. It doesn’t necessarily make them bad people.

So yeah, the shades of grey make it hard to deal with people who disagree with you once you meet them. You’ve got an arsenal of arguments against something stupid, but it rarely applies to anyone, because the arsenal was tailored to fit the perfect form of an imbecile. And the perfect form doesn’t represent family members, close friends, respected mentors, or tormentors, bosses, and landowners. Some people are cool enough to come right out and tell anyone that the s/he just said something stupid. I’m honestly jealous.

If a creepy old man came up to me and started talking to me and looking at my chest and reciting me poetry, ideally, I’d tell him to fuck off. But in real life, the man sometimes looks harmless and to be honest, pitiful. So it’s hard to say “Fuck off,” when I’m sure he doesn’t know what he’s doing wrong. Another factor is that I’m going to see him every day, so it would cause less conflict and be less of a bother just to acknowledge his talking without encouraging it. He doesn’t understand the difference, though, so there is no difference.

I go out of my way a lot to accomodate other people, but I think I actually like that about myself, because I can’t stand self-absorbency or conflict. (I have a huge problem with taking care of others before I take care of myself. Have you noticed?) Consequently, I might just take a earlier bus to school to avoid him. However, the bus comes once every hour only, so instead of taking it at 10, I have to take it at 9. Which means I have to wake up at around 8 to shower and get ready—wait, no. I would have to wake up at 7, because my sister showers to get ready for work at 8. So, instead of waking up at 9 to get ready for school (already an amazing struggle and victory for me), I have to wake up at 7. All because I want to accomodate a creepy old man. Or I could just tell him to fuck off and be proud of it.

What bugs me is that no matter what I do, I’ll feel a little undeservingly bad.